Sarah Kane.

Facebook.
e-mail: heymisskane@gmail.com
AIM: jambosarahkane

cej:

So the lead singer of this band, Holiday Shores, is not fond of me. However, I think it’s really neat that they are finally starting to get some serious attention. Check out they’re new music video on Pitchfork.

great caption.

Just because you are college educated does not mean you are too good to use contractions. Thank you.
Just because you are college educated does not mean you are too good to use contractions. Thank you.
If I haven’t already told you a million and a half times, I have a new job working for a local hospital. I could tell you the official job title, but it’s vague and nondescriptive—basically I’m like a “sitter” (note: like and the use of scare quotes; i won’t actually be dealing with bedpans or feeding or any of that jazz) for recently Baker Act’d patients. There’s a fishbowl setup in the E.R. where I’ll sit with them until they are officially admitted, and once they are moved to the behavioral medicine building across the street, I could be assigned to sit with those and other high suicide risk patients as well. Basically, my job is to make sure no one is sneaking tissue papers and constructing a rope with intent of hanging themself—because that has definitely happened.
Since I’ll be dealing with people who are involunantarily there (i.e. not going to be in the best of moods), we were required to undergo CPI, or “nonviolent crisis prevention intervention”, training. I now know how to “nonviolently” throw a person into a wall if they were to come swinging at me.
My asolute favorite part of scenario:action training was when I realized that what to do in case of “biting” was covered. Not only was it funny that they would include that, but the proper handling is even better:


“Feed into the bite.” okay this makes sense, like if you push your arm further into their mouth they’ll probably be forced to open their mouth further and you can try to slip out. okay, no big deal.

“Rub the attacker’s upper-lip.” what?! I mean, they went over the importance of surprise in order to make your escape, but what?!

After asking our preceptor about it, he told us about a woman he’d trained before who’d told him that it’s a totally legit action. Apparently she had had bad TMJ and the doctor rubbed on her upper lip which helped loosen the clenched jaw muscles. Something about parasympathetic reflexes and what have you. Learn something new every day.

If I haven’t already told you a million and a half times, I have a new job working for a local hospital. I could tell you the official job title, but it’s vague and nondescriptive—basically I’m like a “sitter” (note: like and the use of scare quotes; i won’t actually be dealing with bedpans or feeding or any of that jazz) for recently Baker Act’d patients. There’s a fishbowl setup in the E.R. where I’ll sit with them until they are officially admitted, and once they are moved to the behavioral medicine building across the street, I could be assigned to sit with those and other high suicide risk patients as well. Basically, my job is to make sure no one is sneaking tissue papers and constructing a rope with intent of hanging themself—because that has definitely happened.

Since I’ll be dealing with people who are involunantarily there (i.e. not going to be in the best of moods), we were required to undergo CPI, or “nonviolent crisis prevention intervention”, training. I now know how to “nonviolently” throw a person into a wall if they were to come swinging at me.

My asolute favorite part of scenario:action training was when I realized that what to do in case of “biting” was covered. Not only was it funny that they would include that, but the proper handling is even better:

  1. “Feed into the bite.” okay this makes sense, like if you push your arm further into their mouth they’ll probably be forced to open their mouth further and you can try to slip out. okay, no big deal.
  2. “Rub the attacker’s upper-lip.” what?! I mean, they went over the importance of surprise in order to make your escape, but what?!

After asking our preceptor about it, he told us about a woman he’d trained before who’d told him that it’s a totally legit action. Apparently she had had bad TMJ and the doctor rubbed on her upper lip which helped loosen the clenched jaw muscles. Something about parasympathetic reflexes and what have you. Learn something new every day.

How to Win the Affection of Any Twee-loving, Flickr-maintaining Shehipster (Aged 15-21) You See at the Local Music or Art Gallery/Yuppie Coffee Shop/Organic Market/Et al

Step 1. Find the girl in question on myspace/facebook/makeoutclub/flickr/twitter

(Chances are you already have. It’s not my job to pass judgement here.)

Step 2. “Add to Friends/Contacts”

(hint: “Less is More”; adding too many avenues of online social networking may result in your receiving the title of “Creeper” [def.: unfavorable shehipster nomenclature designating slightly voyeuristic behavior; similar to “Lurker”])

Step 3. Initiate coquettish exchange Better yet, let her come to you

Step 3b. Share this (^above) video

Seriously though. [These] Girls are all the same and, I swear to Shakti, I could get any guy willing to spend twenty bucks at goodwill laid within a month. Like, for real.